The Independent Homemaker: A Perspective!
The Dependant HousewifeA quick read of this article posted on face book be a friend prompted me to write how different lives can be yet lot of similarities…..
The similarities being I bring home no paycheck, I have no deadlines (that is more serious than my daughters home work) and presentations (to convince my daughters why they should be self motivated!) and also I have a dependant visa!
I grew up with no career ambitions. Having brought up in family where it was not the norm for women to work out of home so I had no big ambition or dream…..but circumstances and life turned out in such a way that I had to work to maintain a respectable standard of living in my view….so I worked very hard about 50 – 60 hours over a decade in MNC’s.
The decade also included the fact that I got married and had my two children and was really struggling to cope with career aspirations, a demanding husband and two kids aged 4 and 2 that definitely needed their mother ……It was at this time that my husband’s company decided to move him to Singapore. Although it was a painful decision to leave what I called the best job I had in my life so far and I was doing well. I still took the challenge and we moved with the hope that I would quickly find something to do and get back to a working mother.
But things were different……I landed in Singapore with a dependant visa which allows you to work with written permission if somebody did offer you a job. It was a chicken and egg situation. No company wanted to do that- so you ended up not getting a job. Then the Head hunters would say we could find you a job if you have a PR status(Permanent Resident)…so as any one would do we got that done and realized the only jobs I was getting was not even paying me what I was earning in India and then the question arises is it worth it when you have a 4 year old and 2 year old at home…so I slowly, reluctantly gave up my dreams of continuing to work…..
I tried several courses, wrote some exams, tried teaching kids "money sense" but nothing gave me the satisfaction that I hoped to achieve. On the brighter side of things I did a lot with my 5 year old. I took her to several classes and exposed her to everything that was possible. But the test of your dependency on your spouse comes when we moved to Taiwan. Here I am in a country I don’t speak the language, drive on the left hand side and no domestic help and no Indian groceries.
On the positive side it made me make the best of what life has to offer. I began blogging for memories. Even I won’t believe some of the queer things I had to do.
I had to learn to cook and host dinners (never did I think I would need to do this!),
having to plan even sourcing from different countries for Indian groceries!
I had to drive the car on the left hand side everyday to take the kids. The girls went to totally different schools with different curriculums. I can write a thesis on pros and cons on any major curriculum offered in primary school. Just as I got a hang of everything and led a hectic life with lots of extra curricular activities for girls it was time to move on..
This time we moved to UK. Never have I been to UK other than a transit through Heathrow. I had to be on the road in UK searching for a home to live and for a school for my children to go to literally from Day 1 at freezing temperatures!.I must say my husbands contribution and knowledge was limited to buying me an “Oyster Card”, so I had to be independent to get going!
I would say these are bare essentials (home and schooling then car). My husband having take up a new job couldn’t do that other than weekends which means we would be homeless and the children stay longer out of school…and I must say I had to hold fort while he travelled even before we moved to our new home.
I must say these changes have made me ever so independent (hence the title!) yet I am dependant completely on my husband, as I said I bring no paycheck. Today, I am confident to move to newer places and settle into unknown cultures even with a foreign language.
Today I have friends from all over the world. Yet I find it strange people who have lived only in their home country know so little and have a narrower perspective in spite of internet and globalization. This is true be it India, New Zealand, Australia, America, Canada or anywhere else. People always tell you the great conveniences and wonder how I cope with these moves!
I have a need and have no choice but to raise my children as Third Culture Kids (“A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture.") I can’t but agree with David Pollock, sociologist that TCK’s are "The prototype citizens of the future." I spent a significant amount of time attending to my children. I understand their needs are different than my times.
We have traveled to several countries and cities as a family. And yet I know they (the children) are with you another ten years or so before they move to college and build their own independent lives. So may be it is worth giving up that job and travel all over the world and raise TCK’s with an Indian edge,.. , be a cook, maid, driver (possess over three driving licenses etc), handyman, secretary ( to my family, sometimes friends too) etc…
That does not mean I don’t long to work.
I still would love to put on that formal suit and commute to Central London for that Corporate Job….if some one did offer me one!
Even if that doesn’t happen I am happy being The Independent Homemaker.
But for now I am happy meeting new people, making friends, blogging , chatting with friends all over the world. Unlike Meeti don’t have all the time in the world which I long for! My “to do” lists are never ending I still have a lot to do and lots to catch up.
